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Reality TV - July 2008

Despite having only 3 years’ culinary experience, 25-year old Christina Machamer beats 47-year old Catering Director Louis Petrozza to become the winner of Hell’s Kitchen Season 4. Unlike previous seasons where the winner nabbed an executive or head chef position in a restaurant, this season’s winner will be a senior sous chef at Gordon Ramsay’s restaurant London West Hollywood with a salary of $250,000.
christina machamer
Season 4 winner - Christina Machamer



BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT
Ben, 29, Electrician & Former Chef, North Carolina
I had pinned high hopes on Ben – he reminded me of Michael Wray (Season 1’s winner) with his assertiveness and seemingly calm influence. Unfortunately, he turned out to be a dick. As much as I hate Matt, Ben didn’t seem to understand the concept of teamwork which I think contributed greatly to the girls’ team winning so many challenges. He was eliminated in episode 7.


BIGGEST LOSER
Matt, 35, Sous Chef, New Jersey
I don’t usually like calling anyone a loser but is there a more pathetic HK contestant than this dud? He’s the kind of guy you’d want to put your arms around, only to dunk his head in the toilet. Where do I start? That constant indignant expression on his face – where he pulls his eyebrows in and manages to pull in the rest of his facial features with them; the way he takes criticism by mumbling and swearing underneath his breath (ie “Shut your fucking mouth and let me work”) like a big child; and the way he resembles a puppy jumping up and down, his tongue lolling out when he gets a compliment. Surprisingly, despite his unpredictable, often negative attitude and his incompetent skills in the kitchen, he lasted until episode 10.


BIGGEST TROUBLEMAKER/SOREST LOSER
Jen Gavin
Can you stop being a bitch for once, Jen?

Jen, 24, Line Cook, Illinois
Jen started off with some promise, leading the women to a couple of victories with her passion and determination. Unfortunately, that was the best side of her. The worst side was all attitude, especially when she didn’t get what she wanted. Her teamwork with the girls soon turned sour when she started bossing them around and she fared no better when she was switched to the boys’ team when they took a dislike to her superior attitude and her vehement aversion to being called anything else but ‘Jen’. No sweetie, this one. She was finally eliminated in episode 12 when Ramsay finally got sick of her attitude – which she showed in abundance when she had to return in the last episode to help Petrozza out.

WHAT-THE?
Matt Sigel
Ramsay about to sample Matt's 'vomit' signature dish

The vomit that was Matt’s signature dish when he served Ramsay a combination of ‘raw venison, caviar, raw quail egg, lime zest, olive oil, capers, scallops and white chocolate’, making Ramsay actually vomit.

DUMBEST EDITING
When Matt accidentally cut off an inch of his finger and when someone asked where the cut part was, the camera panned toward a dish, prompting the viewer to think that was the reason why Ramsay, when sampling the dish, said, “It tastes funny”.

I-HAD-HOPED-HE-WOULD-HAVE-MAD E-IT-LONGER
Bobby, 37, Executive Chef, NY and Louross, 24 Hotel Cook, Nevada

Bobby showed some leadership skills from the beginning without stepping on too many tones. I particularly adored him when he coerced Petrozza into not giving up during a service, grabbing him and pulling him up, telling him to ‘wipe his eyes’ and giving him a towel to do so. But I think the reason why he didn’t make it past episode 11 was his self-proclamation that he was the ‘black Gordon Ramsay’, prompting Ramsay to expect highly from him in the beginning then ultimately cutting him off when he didn’t live up to expectations.

Louross may be short but he reminded me of WB’s Tasmanian Devil – he was quick, passionate and full of energy. Granted, I didn’t know at first which team he should have belonged but I was rooting for him when Jen froze him out of one challenge and grew dismayed when he kept bungling in the kitchen, finally being eliminated in episode 9.

STUPIDEST MOVE
I appreciate a good strategy, especially in reality TV competition but anyone can see that Corey putting Christine up for elimination even though she was one of the best during the service, during the second dinner, for ‘strategic reasons’ was a dumb move. And putting up Jen as well ‘for personal reasons’ was plain suicide. Luckily, Ramsay overrode Corey’s elimination choices and voted out make-up wearing Sharon instead. Corey was eliminated in episode 13.

WE’LL NEVER KNOW – OR DO WE?
Vanessa, 31, Line Cook, Montana
Vanessa volunteered, albeit reluctantly, to go home in episode 5 due to her burned hand from the previous episode. Despite serving one of the only two signature dishes Ramsay actually liked, I felt Vanessa would have been eliminated soon anyway. I just couldn’t imagine her yelling and swearing at Ramsay when she would have made it to the final 3.

BIGGEST SURPRISE
Petrozza, 47, Catering Director, North Carolina
I was ready to dismiss Petrozza and his ‘I’m done’ attitude during a service when he couldn’t remember the menu and Ramsay was forced to send him back to the dorms. Only Bobby was able to get him out of that quitting attitude. But he persevered and improved throughout the whole season, making him this season’s runner up.

ALWAYS THE BRIDESMAID, NEVER THE BRIDE
louis petrozza
The perennial bridesmaid...

Petrozza again. You had to feel sorry for the guy when he just got beat out by Christina in numerous individual challenges. In one of his interviews since the show ended, Petrozza admitted there had been a malfunction on the set during the finale, when he and Christina were getting ready to open their doors to see who would ‘walk into their dream’. Apparently, P’s door opened along with Christina’s. Seeing this mistake, Ramsay immediately grabbed P in a hug – a move which puzzled me when I saw the finale. Again, you had to feel for him.

BEST WORKING TEAM
Christina & Corey
Despite a rocky start, the two showed they were a formidable team, even with Jen and Matt to drag them down.

THANK-GOD-HE’S-GONE
Jason, 29, Sous chef, Nevada
Sexist Pig who hated the fact the women kept winning. I could not have taken more of his derogatory remarks towards the women past episode 3.

BEST CHALLENGE REWARD
In episode 5, as a result of their winning pizza, the girls were taken by helicopter to a Santa Barbara restaurant where they were served a $90 burger with truffle fries. I’d like to try that!

WORST CHALLENGE PUNISHMENT
Ben cleaning up the shit in the petting zoo set up for Family Night outside the restaurant.

Hell's Kitchen Season 4
Ramsay & the Season 4 contestants
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This Week's News on Reality TV

July 10th 2008 00:38
DENISE RICHARDS TO SELL REALITY TV HOME
Denise Richards

Residents of posh California neighbourhood Hidden Hills are running the former Bond girl out of her US$4.2m home, sick of the never-ending presence of cameras and constant filming since the premiere of her reality show ‘It’s Complicated’ at the beginning of the year.

Her neighbours are also unhappy about Richards’ growing number of pets, griping, “This is a gated community, not a zoo”, prompting the Los Angeles County Department of Animal Care and Control to demand the mother-of-two obtain a kennel license for her 14 dogs.

Richards, who is battling custody of her children with her ex-husband, flat-acting star of Two And A Half Men, Charlie Sheen, is reportedly not happy to be forced to sell her home.

LOHANS MOVE OUT
Living Lohan

And yet another reality TV family forced to move out. The Lohans, mother-of-the-year Dina and her two less-famous children, Ali and Cody, are looking to move out of their Long Island home after being beset by fans over-eager to take candid shots of the family now that they’re supposedly famous from their own reality show, Living Lohan.

“We’re looking for another home because people are driving by our house and trying to take pictures and stuff,” Ali, 14, a wannabe, tells New York Daily News.

Sorry to break it to you, honey, but it’s probably because they want to sneak a shot of your famous but misguided older sister stumbling out of the house with a grog in her hand.

PAMELA ANDERSON UNDER FIRE FOR BIG BROTHER APPEARANCE
Pamela Anderson

Pamela Anderson, arguably the original famous-for-being-famous bombshell, has come under fire from animal rights activists for appearing in Australia’s Big Brother which is sponsored by KFC, a fast food company Anderson has been vocally protesting against. But Anderson insists she did not know of the affiliation and put it down as mere ‘coincidence’.

“Every show has a bunch of sponsors and it’s not something you look into when you are offered a job,” she explains. Besides, she adds, she couldn’t pass up the offer and that the pay cheque is ‘much more than I am worth’.

Seeing as she hasn’t done any body of work in the past few years, I wouldn’t be surprised about that. It remains to be seen whether the buxom, peroxide-blonde will help boost the flagging ratings of this reality show that is surely past its due date.


HIILTON, SPEARS & LOHAN TEAMING UP IN A REALITY SHOW?
Paris Hilton

That’s what Paris Hilton is hoping to do. Inspired by the success of Denise Richards’ ‘It’s Complicated’, the talentless twig is hoping to convince her fellow tabloid whores to team up in their own two-hour reality show. She wants to produce a show that will focus on their lives in the spotlight and will also include some candid revelations.

Well, if her video ‘One Night in Paris’ wasn’t candid enough, I don’t know what is.
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Hell's Kitchen Season 1 Awards!

July 4th 2008 01:30
Michael Wray Hell's Kitchen
Season 1 winner - Michael Wray
So the first season of Hell’s Kitchen was won by Michael, a tattooed, skinny guy who pretty much went under the radar for most of the season and whom I remember pacing the backyard at 3 in the morning, talking to no one in particular and referring to himself in the third person.

Picking up the success from Kitchen Nightmares USA, Gordon Ramsay turned up his temper ten notches in Hell’s Kitchen, abusing contestants, smacking plates of food against their chests in disgust, barfing out signature dishes, kicking bins in frustration and gleefully insulting complaining customers. Heh. So much for customer service he raves on so much in Kitchen Nightmares which makes me wonder if these diners get their food for free and I say, ‘Where can I sign up?’

While I find myself sighing dreamily whenever my personal crush appears with that glowering look, legs askance, arms folded across his chest, there are times when you do wish he’d just shut up, especially during services. In a situation where you’re told customers have been waiting for their entrees for an hour, why must you be subjected to additional four minutes of ranting and raving about whether or not you’d given up? But then, during these times, you should know to just utter two phrases ‘NO, CHEF!’ and ‘YES, CHEF!’ and leave it at that because Ramsay, contrary to the title of the show, IS God.

Whipping the contestants into shape with Ramsay are his two sidekicks, souz chefs Scott and MaryAnn. From what I’ve seen of Scott, he’s the type you can probably warm up to after ten rounds of beer while MaryAnn…well…just seems to be enjoying wielding the power she has over the contestants.

This season, we saw drama queens, tears, tantrums (not just from Ramsay either), backstabbings galore – all qualities of a good reality TV. And now that it’s over, I’d like to hand out some awards of my own :

What the-? award:
Wendy, 32, account manager
After stressing that her water wasn’t boiling fast enough, she poured cold water, thinking cold water would boil faster

I-Don-t-Understand-Why-He-Las ted-So-Long award:
Jimmy Casey, 25 purchasing supervisor
He was the one Ramsay liked to call ‘fat fuck’ and had the tendency to sweat – A LOT that Jean-Philippe the Belgian maitre’ d was compelled to plead with him to ‘Stop touching yourself’ after serving a woman who was alarmed that he seemed to be ‘sweating like a boar’. Jimmy was also a clumsy big oaf that sometimes left you scratching your head in bemusement. At one point, in an attempt to clean up his station, he accidentally threw away his lobster dish he’d just finished and when Ramsay started yelling for it, looked thoroughly confused as to where it had gone. Then he had a gall to scream back at Ramsay during one dinner service and said NO when Ramsay told him to come over. But despite his clumsiness, his endless sweating and buffoon-like antics, Ramsay seemed to really like him enough to make him stick around until episode 7. When he was finally eliminated, Ramsay gave him a warm goodbye, telling him to hold his head up and that he should be proud of himself. Frankly, I don’t see why Ramsay was so into him.

Best Confrontation award :
Between Jean-Philippe and a customer about the latter’s (lack of) education
A customer took offense to Jean-Philippe requesting for them to leave after they ordered pizzas (after waiting so long without food) to which JP replied, “I wish your education was as good as your voice”. The customer proceeded to hunt down JP to point out that he did, indeed, have an education – ‘a doctorate in music from the University of Southern California’.

Thank-God-He’s-Gone award :
Andrew, 24, office assistant
Let’s see…he made a crab risotto that made a customer throw up and was very indignant about it; he had a tendency of staring sulkily at Ramsay while being yelled at, like he was a teenager being yelled at by a father whom he hated, then tried talking back to him in that whiny, sooky manner; when his team lost a challenge and their punishment was to enter a combination to get to the store room, he tried putting a tape on the door to keep it open which was found out by Scott, costing the team further punishment; and the fact that his attitude was hated by everyone on his team. He was eliminated in episode 6.

Biggest Disappointment award:
Chris, 35, executive chef
For someone who was supposedly the most experienced cook in the kitchen, Ramsay felt Chris didn’t live up to his boasts and was eliminated in episode 5.

Biggest Wuss award:
Jeff LaPoff, 28, finance manager
He blamed his many stuff ups in dinner services on a variety of reasons – his kidney stones hurt (at one point, even managing to wake people up in the wee hours of the morning with his dramatic groaning and moaning); he’d ‘never worked on a fucking line before’ and even blamed Michael for just stepping in and running his station even though his station was sinking and needed desperate rescuing. In the end, the man who said “I’m not a quitter” did just that and after telling Ramsay he was an asshole to his face, threw away his apron and walked out during episode 3. Good riddance, I say.

Most Heartfelt Ramsay Goodbye award:
Elsie, 40, executive assistant & mother of six
In a move that showed Ramsay does have a heart, he looked truly sorry to let Elsie go in episode 8. At one point, I even thought he was looking for a way to get her out of that position by asking her if she felt she had had any help from the team during the night’s dinner service. But when she took the martyr role, lied and said yes, her fate was sealed. She got a hug and a kiss from Ramsay and a ‘I’m proud of you’. Sniff.

Sorest Loser:
Ralph, 36, professional chef
And who would have thought this guy was approaching 40 with the way he chucked tantrums after losing challenges? In episode 8 when he, along with Michael and Jessica lost the challenge to Elsie and was forced to watch her cooking risotto on Good Day Live, he proceeded to throw plates around in the sink, alarming even the usually-non-fuss Michael. Seriously, man, grow up.

She-Has-Balls award:
Jessica, 26, headhunter
This girl just did not shut up, did she? While any other contestant would have nodded, shook their head, said ‘yes, chef’ or ‘no,chef’, Jessica would just keep talking, sometimes even on top of Ramsay that I was surprised he didn’t slap her or banish her from the kitchens. But the icing on the cake was when she was sinking in the dessert station and she asked Ramsay if he could help her for a second. Heh.

Best Insult to Customer by Ramsay:
To two blondes who complained about Ramsay telling their girlfriend who complained about the wait, to ‘fuck off’ : ‘Can you tell her I mean it?’ To Jean-Philippe, ‘Can you escort these two ladies please? Back to plastic surgery?’

Best Ramsay insult:
This is a tough one and I really can’t narrow it down to just one so I came up with three :
‘It looks like a dehydrated camel’s turd’ – to Jimmy’s signature dish
‘I think you’re a plank. Plank means an idiot’ – to Chris
‘This is a really tough decision – cos you’re both crap’ – to Andrew & Wendy

Most repetitive Ramsay insult:
‘That looks like a dog’s dinner’

Best Challenge Reward :
Helicopter trip over LA which Jimmy won after making fruit flambé.

Worst Challenge Punishment:
Cleaning squid for the night’s service

Epilogue
Instead of the original prize of owning his own restaurant, Michael chose to join Ramsay in London to work alongside him in one of his successful restaurants. But Michael, having just married his fiancé and wanting to start a family, decided not to go through with the move and instead, started a knives company, Skull and Cleavers. He is currently the Executive Head Chef at The Standard in LA. Ralph opened his own restaurant, Fat Ralph’s Deli in New York. He also competed – and lost - on Iron Chef America.
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Demelza Reveley, the youngest contestant this season at 16, is Australia’s Next Top Model. Despite the bullying controversy and the dig at her unmodel-like hips, she beat Alexandra Girdwood to become the face of Napoleon Perdis cosmetics for the year, also getting her own spread in Australia’s Vogue and a chance to jetset around the world to take on more seasoned models on the international catwalk.

Australia's next top model finalists
Love the way these two embrace each other like they're the best of friends


Reveley won after the ultimate decision was left up to the viewers’ vote when the panel of six judges couldn’t reach a unanimous decision and was split into a tie. And here I thought the viewers’ decision didn’t matter and the whole voting system was all about the pretense of making viewers feel ‘involved’. But it seems that after the indignant outcry of many viewers crying out for Reveley’s blood after the Alamela bullying incident and vowing not to vote for her if she ever ended up in the final two, they had a change of heart. Many say this abrupt turn in Reveley’s popularity had to do with the endless criticism about her weight but I say, given that the other contender was Alex who could give Elvira a run for her money, the choice couldn’t have been that hard in the end.

But one person who was strongly campaigning for Alex to win was Alamela’s father, Peter, who is no doubt now disgusted that the ‘bully’ who taunted his daughter and even tipped a bucket of water over her head ‘to get a reaction’ is the ultimate winner of the competition. He fears that Reveley’s winning would justify the bullying Alamela had been subjected to, which also included, but not shown on TV, Reveley and a couple of others filling condoms with mayonnaise and putting them in Alamela’s bed and slipping chilli in her breakfast. Alamela and her dad had attempted to air their side on ‘A Current Affair’, concerned that the reality TV program was downplaying the whole bullying incident but the idea ‘was canned by the producers’.

This morning, during an interview with Merrick & Rosso and Kate Ritchie on Nova 96.9fm, Reveley reiterated again that it was a mistake and unfortunately, it was a mistake shown on national TV. During the afterparty the night before, she had apologised to Alamela but no one knows for sure if Alamela has accepted the apology or will ever. Alex, on the other hand, admits that she was on 'a high horse' at the start of the show and that being a runner-up has made her 'humble'. Well, if I had a few months to reflect over the bitchy things I did and said on the show (and reading about people's opinion about your big mouth), I'd be eating humble pie as well. Apparently, she has now signed up with Priscila's and hopes to get castings soon.

Personally, I didn’t want either Demelza or Alex to win. Of all the Top Models I’ve seen – in Australia and overseas, I have never come across two such unlikable finalists that I am sorely tempted to email the judges of the show and rant at them for giving us two pinheads whom I do not want to see grace the covers of any magazine or pout their way down any catwalk – even at a school fete. Boo. As much as I thought she was a complete ditz and you want to run around to hold a lightbulb over her head, I still think Samantha should have won. She may have had a commercial look but how can anyone pick a googley-eyed baby talker (and that’s what Demelza is, I don’t mind admitting) or a squinty-eyed hag with lips you’re hypnotized by because they don’t move, over Samantha? Boo, I say. Boo!!!

And while we’re on the subject of booing, why was Jodhi Meares noticeably absent from the live broadcast? Could it be the flak she got from her nervous twitching, deer-in-the-headlights act she did in the previous year, prompting Charlotte Dawson to take the reins, not to mention the unprofessional way she didn’t even bother hiding her annoyance that her favourite, Stephanie, didn’t win? I say, get rid of her next year. She may be ‘nice’ and ‘maternal’ to the models but she doesn’t do it for me on TV. To the producers, bring on a host with more presence and a selection of girls with a few you can actually cheer for next year because this season has been absolutely dismal. Bah.

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And there were three

July 1st 2008 01:18
It must be because I find the 3 remaining girls so annoying that I was torn between utter boredom and wanting to knock their heads together as I watched the 10th episode of Australia’s Next Top Model Cycle 4.

Australia's next top model
The two finalists - who will win?

[ Click here to read more ]
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